I have written about Amazon recently in light of the pandemic and how workers are/were being treated. As many of you know I do everything in my power to avoid Amazon products. In the past few days Amazon has been the topic of conversation with three different friends in Vancouver, and my advocating for avoidance of the company. I thrive on debating these social issues and thinking through how we might try to foster the sense of hope which I believe keeps us going as a species. The debates with my friends focused on the fact that true change will only come if there is real buy-in from both governmental institutions as well as consumers. I maintain that as consumers we always have a choice, but I admit that that choice is not always coming from an equal platform. I am privileged, I have the opportunity to choose not to use Amazon services because I can afford to do so both financially and in terms of time. This is a privilege that many others do not have. People need good leadership and motivation to make conscious choices and we have had a period of forty years of a lot of bad leadership and greed driven politics. Would it not be wonderful if everyone decided tomorrow to boycott Amazon, Walmart and all the other corporations which manipulate us as consumers offering us the lowest prices at the cost of millions of workers around the world? Why can we not demand that our governments force corporations to pay taxes? Think of the wealth that would be generated if the wealthiest individuals in the world were paying their fair share. Let us advocate for social capitalism where we all have the opportunity to work to make our own profit, and where the social and political institutions are accountable to us. It all seems so simple, does it not? Of course it is not! For one, as I said I am a privileged individual starting on a playing field that others do not have. You take away the factory jobs in India, China and Brazil and you force millions of people into poverty because the job as bad as it is, gives them money to put food on the table. Our governments are funded by big businesses in their quest for power and so a conflict of interest arises. In looking back at changes in my life time, I see a turning point in the 80s where Thatcher and Reagan led governments made an active choice to devalue people, and prioritise business. We have had our voices quashed by the weight of big business forcing us into lives where our main aim is not happiness but survival. How in this context can you ask someone to put their morals before their daily bread? This morning one of my friends asked me so what is the solution, and I said out loud “I don’t know”.
I will admit that for much of my life I have what some might call a self-righteous attitude, that I had figured out what the best course of action is and if only people would listen to me. I have not always been a good listener, focusing more on my experience and what I bring to the table. It has taken a lot of work to admit this out loud to myself, accepting that I do not have all the answers and that that is okay. I know I am not alone in this. I see my students struggling to give me an answer rather than simply saying that they do not understand. I have heard myself in times gone by spawning ideas out loud merely to avoid saying I do not know. Is it a form of shame? Possibly. I see it more as a fear of vulnerability, and I have written on this before. As a woman who prides myself on my independence and passion it is especially hard to concede to vulnerability as it is often equated with weakness. Society has also taught me that as a woman my deep desires, if they do not conform to what conventions want of me, are weird and that I am just being ‘dramatic’ if I vocalize them. What has this got to do with Amazon? Well, my conversations this past weekend and my admittance of not having the solutions got me thinking about what would happen if we all came to the table admitting that we do not have the solution, but that we are willing to work together to find one. We come to the table bringing with us our experience and skills, but knowing that it will be part of the solution and not the only way. Am I an idealist? Possibly, but I will remain a hopeful person because I believe in humanity. I continue to strive to listen and hear others’ voices then offering my own thoughts, not as fact but as part of a puzzle, because the only way forward is to communicate thoughts honestly. For those of us who have the privilege and the platform let us use it to voice our honesty openly and without fear. We will be judged, that cannot be avoided, but as Amanda Gorman says in her poem ‘The Hill We Climb’, “We’ve learned that quiet isn’t always peace”.
In the spirit of honesty and vulnerability I share my own inner thoughts this January evening: I am consumed by loneliness. I wrote my gratitude blog at the end of December, all of which remains true and I remain grateful for it all. I have strived to foster such positivity in my life in the past two years given much heaviness in prior times. I have put a smile on my face over the past few weeks with friends and colleagues as I know positivity reflects positivity. But I know also how important it is to be honest, open and vulnerable, and so I admit the deep overwhelming loneliness. I am sure many of your feel it whether you live alone or not as we are cut off from so many and so much we know, and without an end in sight to the pandemic. I admitted my loneliness earlier today on the phone to my father, and admitting it out loud gave me the permission to grieve it. After the call, I cried for a couple of hours accepting I do not know what tomorrow brings, but accepting that I will be okay. If you see my admittance of loneliness and tears here as a weakening of myself, I would ask you to reflect back on yourself as to why you think that of me.
A final thought: I was reading back over my first blog entry from 2020 prior to writing this one tonight and I was struck by the last paragraph of the entry – see below. Who knew what a transformational year 2020 would be… We continue our pandemic journey into 2021 as the virus knows no national not temporal boundaries. I leave you with my final paragraph from my first entry of 2020 as a hope for your 2021.
"2020 is the year of transformation, the world will never be the same as before. We have reached Malcolm Gladwell’s tipping point, we have found ourselves in a polarized world where the people at the helm are determined to run us off the edge, but there is hope There is always hope because we are humans and we are incredible. There is pain and devastation, but more importantly there is resistance and kindness. 2020 then is about transformation. This transformation is first and foremost individual, and I urge all of you to think of what is holding you back in your life and promise yourself to try and address it – trust me it will set you free."
As it is the beginning of the year I will again do a check-in: if you no longer wish to be included on my blog please just send me a message and I will remove you from the automated list.
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