Ireland September to December 2010

My heart has broken and my deep rooted love has been shaken at it's core. Reading back over my blog entries for the past year I smiled as I read the one on the small moments, I smiled because it reminded me of why I wrote it and how I felt. At that time I was in the middle of truly appreciating the end of the madness that was the Celtic Tiger and how it had begun to destroy everything that I valued most about Ireland. With its demise I was beginning to see the return of the values that make Ireland such a wonderful country and people. However, the past four months have rocked that love to its core! Not one for anarchy I don't think that piling out onto the street to demonstrate will achieve our end objective which is justice and equality for all. On the other hand what I have witnessed over the past couple of months makes me sick to my stomach. While the county is brought to its knees and into the control of the Germans (Hitler is smiling in Hell) people have sat back and done nothing. Now don't misunderstand me I fully support the presence of the IMF and the ECB in Ireland because it gives me hope that a deeper problem may be brought to light; that is the problem of our despicable political system. I fully agree that FF, well particularly Haughy and Bertie have scrolls of questions to answer, I fail to see who I would place in the place of the current government. No political party gives me any hope because all politicians in Ireland are the same. It is local politics at its worse and the success of cronyism - the Italian mafia have nothing on us. Unless there is a complete overhaul and 'fresh blood' joins a completely reworked system we are doomed. All this carries on and people comment on it and point out the disgusting role that high-level civil servants play in the country's politics but there is no action in any form. I reflect on the past four months and the approach of the end of the year with fear in my heart that my heart will never heal and that nothing will change......

A Great Warrior

Three months ago my life as I have known it for the past thirty years, changed forever – a great warrior passed away. That great warrior was my Irish grandmother Mrs. May O’Brien, 1 Tipperary Road, Cahir, County Tipperary. She was an institution and the nucleus of most of our worlds. The title I have bestowed on her and on this entry is a phrase I heard used several times on the day of her funeral.
I started this blog entry several times, but each time I had to leave it as I was unable to put into words what was in my head. Having spent a lot of time over the past two weeks walking, thinking and relaxing (thanks to the crazy Icelandic volcano), I have been able to put into context May’s life in how it applies to mine. It is indeed hard to sum up the influence of May in my life, or even when it began; she was just always there. It was to her home that we returned every summer from Sudan as children, to tales and mountains of food. I remember a number of races from her house to the corner shop, which was about 8 doors down, and she always won. The house was always filled with the smells of baking, cooking and the ingredients for jam. I spent many a Friday morning during our summer visits from Sudan with her and all the other ladies in country market. In recent years I enjoyed going back to year the stories of my childhood related back to me.
As I grew older she became more of a person to me and less of the institution of grandmother. I spent many weekends with her during my two years in boarding school, especially after my grandfather passed away in December 1995. We had many conversations, some ‘heated’, where we tried to figure each other out if that is possible at all. I enjoyed her company immensely despite her sharp tongue and the sometimes lack of emotional warmth. The most important thing was that she WAS – I still cannot really explain what that means to you my reader, but it is an attempt to emphasize the magnitude of May in my life. She represented the place where my mother, the main social actor in forming my person, came from. She represented the aspects of Irish life that I love, and which draw me back over and over again, despite my distain of other aspects. I had the most interesting debates with her about the church, about becoming vegetarian and about my internal student ‘profession’. She visited more countries over the past twenty years then most people visit in an entire lifetime, and related the stories back to all her friends in Cahir.
In the last couple of years her age began to show, and her patience with herself and others did not always extend to its full potential. She got more and more frustrated with the weakening of her physical body although her mind changed little. In December 2008 I had the opportunity to ‘take-care’ of May; she was not well and needed a lot of help. Although it was but three days, it was an important time for me to try and repay some of the care she had shown me over the years, not through words or gifts but through actions. She may have gotten frustrated with us in later years, and spoken harsh words but I say better the harsh words of this gigantic personality than none at all. Above all she WAS and nothing will ever replace the role she played in my life. With her died a huge part of my physical and emotional tie to the landscape of Ireland, although she has made it a deep and fundamental part of who I am. Rest in peace, and be proud of the values and drive you gave us all.