2020 is a year that for most might not be synonymous with the word gratitude, but for me it is the word that most resonates with me when I think of the past twelve months. Many of you are already in 2021 as I write this blog entry as the 31st of December draws to a close in Vancouver. For the first time in my life I am spending New Year’s Eve in my own company and it is delicious. I have found so much calm and perspective in solitude this past year, and in that solitude, I have found great peace as I have enjoyed the most important relationship of my life – the one I have with myself. 2020 has been a series of exquisite moments filled with such an array of emotions from intense joy to all consuming pain, but they have all been so healing. I wish to share some of events/moments over the past twelve months that have brought me so much gratitude.
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| A message I found on a hike in the woods... |
I begin with the gratitude for the lessons I have learned about myself:
I am grateful that I have learned to hear my inner voice and listen to her
I am grateful that I have reconnected with my inner child and given her space to play
I am grateful that I have learned to enjoy my own company so entirely and that I am what some might call an ‘extroverted introvert’
I am grateful that I have learned not to have expectations of others, but to just accept them as they are
I am grateful that I have accepted that I dislike organising events/gatherings/trips/evenings/parties/etc.! Yes, I am very good at it, but I accept that I did it in the past as a means of seeking acceptance and searching for love.
I am grateful that I have unconditional love in my life and I know what it feels like
Now for some gratitude beyond my own ‘growth’ lessons:
2020 has been a year of connections for me. My only international trip this year was to Miami a city which surprised me and where I spent an amazing week with one of my favourite humans Caítriona. It was such an amazing experience to spend time with someone you have known for more than twenty years and still learn new things about them. I am so grateful for how the pandemic has brought me so much closer to friends all across the world. It takes moments like these in our lives to acknowledge who is truly important to us. I am also grateful for having the ability to let go of relationships which did not serve me, and in doing so honouring myself. There has been something magical about everyone I know all around the world sharing the same experience (albeit a challenging and devastating experience) and being able to truly feel connecting. In April a group of friends and I who had all worked in Bangladesh at the same time were all able to be on a Zoom call together for the first time in thirteen years! I have shared so many amazing phone calls with friends all over the world where inevitably we focus on the simple moments in our lives as due to the pandemic it is the simple pleasures that bring such joy.
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| Zooming with my 'Irish soul sisters' |
I am grateful for the amazing community I have in Vancouver where I have had support in so many different forms over the past twelve months. Certainly Vancouver has become my home for many reasons but the people I have met here over the past seven and a half years, and especially in the past year, have made life all that much sweeter. I am grateful to have a true Vancouver ‘sister and brother’, I am grateful for hikes with two formidable women, I am grateful for dialogues with my rational consciousness, I am grateful for enlightening conversations with colleagues, I am grateful for honest friendship and support when needed, I am grateful for a little man who love pakoras, I am grateful for a hand-drawn picture. The list could go on, but the point is I am blessed.
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| Sharing Canadian Thanksgiving with the Zammars |
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| Playing with new formidable friends |
Vancouver is a beautiful place and any of you who live here or have visited me can attest to that. Even as winter engulfs us and the rain seems never-ending, I could not be more grateful for the beauty which surround me. During the different stages of lockdown, I have always been able to get outside to the mountains or the sea and just breath. I have always been a cyclist but this love has bloomed exponentially during the pandemic. I started cycling longer distanced on my Dutch hybrid bike back in March, but in early August I took the plunge and invested in a road bike. Since then I have cycled all over the lower mainland with the latest cycle of 127km just last Tuesday. It brings me such joy and has connected me with a whole group of different people through my cycling club. The forests around Vancouver are magical with so many different hikes and just being among the trees is medicine in itself. At the end of October I travelled over to the most westerly point on Vancouver Island and learned how to surf. Then at the end of November I was able to ski again. Needless to say, I very privileged to live in such a place.
My road bike Fionn and I 
The magical beaches of Tofino where I learned to surf 
No words for the beauty at the end of this summer hike in June
I am so incredibly grateful for my health. 2020 has been a year of true healing as I learn more about my body and the journey I have navigated for the past seven years. In October I was diagnosed with Crohn’s autoimmune disease in my upper digestive tract. My initial reaction was pure relief, to have an answer to something that has plagued my every waking moment for so long. Yes it is an autoimmune and therefore something I will live with and manage, but that I can do. I am grateful that at 41 (ok almost 42) I can cycle 127km in one day and still walk to tell the tale. I can swim 1800 metres twice a week and feel fantastic. I can hike up a mountain and still be ready for more. I am so grateful for the health that 2020 has brought me.
I am very grateful for all of you – my global community. When I look down at the email list I have for access to the blog I am astounded at the richness of my life. I have people on this list from all walks of life, from so many different places and so many different stages of my life. The beauty is I know that were we to sit down tomorrow over a coffee we would have a wealth of topics to cover. Thank you for being one of my blog readers. If there is something you feel grateful for in 2020 please do share it as a comment below or reply to the notification email which comes directly to me. May 2021 bring you joy and calm.
A friend recently introduced me to this really beautiful poem. I appreciate it because it speaks to the reason why I thrive to live - the 'bones' of life is so captivating...
Good Bones
By Maggie Smith
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