The symbolism of a new year

On January 4th January Pauline sent a great ‘Thought for the Day’ by Henry Moore, it read: “I think in terms of the day’s resolutions, not the years.” This sentiment really resonated with what I felt as the hour approached midnight on the 31^st of December 2019. What I wrote in my journal that evening was that I wanted to continue to heal and grow as a person in 2020. I witnessed all the work I had done in 2018 and 2019, and hence see 2020 not as the start of something new in terms of a resolution, but rather continue the journey of self-growth. I wish to continue to be conscious and present in my body in every moment, even if sometimes those moments are incredibly painful. I said this on the blog on Christmas Day and I felt it strongly again as the New Year begins. Being on the West Coast of Canada you become acutely aware of how arbitrary the stroke of midnight is, especially as you communicate with friends and family across the globe and see them enter 2020 several hours before you do. 

 

I spent the days leading up to the end of 2019 with a wonderful group of friends up on Sasquatch (Yeti in the local indigenous language) Mountain in the Fraser Valley, just about two hours drive east of Vancouver. We celebrated New Years from the Middle East, to Eastern Europe, France, Spain, the UK and Ireland before it finally reached us on Pacific Ocean. To be there was an incredible reminder of what a glorious part of the world I live in. This was especially emphasized as we returned to a sunny dry Vancouver on January 1^st and I set off on my bicycle to cycle around the seawall surrounding Stanley Park. Skiing on the 31^st and biking on the 1^st, that is truly an exceptional physical state to have in life. On Saturday I bought myself second-hand skis embracing my equal love of the winter and summer here in BC.  

My gratitude for what I have in my life is deep, and I am most grateful for the opportunity to have embarked on my recent internal journey. I will admit though that I am often deeply saddened at present. I am saddened because I am a social being that craves community, family and connection. These have shifted hugely for me in recent times and I feel myself often experiencing a deep sense of loneliness. It is an odd feeling because it is not a loneliness of feeling that I am not worthy of companionship and connection, it is a loneliness founded on full acceptance. It is discovering what I really need from my relationships, and accepting that some of those people that I hold most dear in my heart cannot fulfill the transparency I require in life. It is acknowledging that often being with others for whom life is simply a shallow endeavor brings me little joy. Life is for living and life is for diving deeply into what makes us human – there is so much more to life than walking around on two legs and having fun. There is no emotional heaviness in this for me, indeed it has quite the opposite effect in accepting that I must let go. I cannot change those I hold dear in how they want to travel through life, but I can hold myself accountable and in this is my loneliness. Writing brings me great solace so I thank you as always for readings these blog entries and humoring my verbal meanderings.

I hope many of you will value the spiritual element to our existence, whether this be through organized religion or through another spiritual path. I am forging my own path and exploring what I want my spiritual existence to be and it provides so much comfort in the moments of deep loneliness I mention above. In this vein I would like to speak to the time we find ourselves in currently. It is a time of great change and turmoil – we just have to read any news medium to know this is true. For so many people in my life, just so you know I am not making this up or making it only relevant to my journey, 2019 was a year of finding a way to let go. 2019 was about revealing to people deep understandings of themselves, to move beyond the negative, to let go and to find the lighter self. 2020 is the year of transformation, the world will never be the same as before. We have reached Malcolm Gladwell’s tipping point, we have found ourselves in a polarized world where the people at the helm are determined to run us off the edge, but there is hope. There is always hope because we are humans and we are incredible. There is pain and devastation, but more importantly there is resistance and kindness. 2020 then is about transformation. This transformation is first and foremost individual, and I urge all of you to think of what is holding you back in your life and promise yourself to try and address it – trust me it will set you free. Collectively, reach out to those around you, listen to the stories of others, and form new connections that may surprise you. Most of all do not think, “that’s such a shame about Australia, or too bad about Iran, or oh dear the Amazon is burning”; take a moment and think, “what can I do” because ultimately, we are all connected, and when the Amazon or Australia burns we burn too, when an Iraqi or Palestinian civilian dies a part of you dies too. Do not resist changing yourself because it is easier not to explore change, you are missing out on the exceptional pleasure of uncertainty.  Not heavy thoughts I hope; I hope you view them as I do as transforming and empowering. We are an incredible species, and I finally admit to being an optimist in life.

Beautiful sunset on Sasquatch Mountain

Fun snowshoeing day

December 31st was a wet one, but I skied anyways