Ode to the 'feminist' men

I write this blog post at the end of a few days of processing an unfortunate incident which occurred last week at work. I share the incident in order to place my blog post and thoughts in context, but please do not see the incident as the focus but rather as the spring board for my reflections.

Here goes: Group work is a central part of my pedagogy, my assessment process and a means of giving my students some skills they will need after graduation. Students often find working in groups challenging because they need to coordinate, collaborate and cooperate in order to finish their assignments and receive a grade. The challenge of group work is particularly evident in my first-year international student courses as many students come from cultural learning backgrounds where 'traditional' classroom techniques are the norm. In one particular group this term one of the female students in a group with three male students felt that she was being harassed and bullied. She did not bring the incident to my attention until ten days ago, and I readily admit that I was cautious at first as she is a student who had previously been flagged for plagiarizing a paper. I talked to the three male students who claimed that she was ignoring their communication and not pulling her weight. It became clear that I needed to involve support from staff to help me deal with the situation. In the interactions between the female student and the staff it transpired that some communication, which I had not seen and was in Mandarin, had been sent to the female student. In this communication one male student was incredibly rude to the female student and also wrote some very disturbing language about me as his instructor. The staff were hesitant when translating the content for me as it was very vulgar. I was very saddened rather than angry when I heard the content, saddened because so much of the content of my first-year international student courses focusing on unpacking stereotypes and understanding how social characteristics, including gender, are socially constructed. I left work Thursday afternoon carrying that sadness with me and knowing I had to process it.
Initially, my thoughts focused on the incident and what might have led to such an exchange between students as well as how the male student felt that it was appropriate to sexualize both his female classmate and his professor. I spent the weekend surrounded by close friends enjoying amazing skiing and incredible hiking. I laughed, danced and talked for three days, while all the while I processed the incident. As I drove back to Vancouver today it struck me that what was needed is a broader perspective.  I had observed my male friends over the weekend, how they interacted with me, their wives/partners and each other in total comfort and ease being surrounded by strong women. My thoughts then returned to International Women's Day just a few weeks ago and the email my father sent his staff commenting on the strong women in his life, I was very proud of him. I was brought to all men, in my life or not, who navigate dealing with strong women - women who are navigating the patriarchal institutional structure and striving to do their best, but so are the supportive men in their lives. It took me to an image I had found and actually used in class that week - see it below.

What did I get out of this process and what are my thoughts heading back into class tomorrow morning to face the same students? I put it in context. I live in a country and work at an institution that is taking the situation seriously and I am being supported. Most importantly though, I am taking it as further motivation to continue my approach to teaching and learning - not only the group work but also in the content I deliver to empower my young female students but also to try and support my male students too. The male student is not inherently bad, rather he is the product of a system that has failed to foster equality of all kinds and especially gender equality. But I am in a position to provide him with the tools and skills he needs to question that system. Hopefully one day he will reflect and realize how inappropriate his behaviour is. Or maybe he never will. I cannot reach every student I teach but I know that if I continue doing what I am doing I will at least reach some and that is a very powerful thought.  
"You don't make progress by standing on the sidelines, whimpering and complaining. You make progress by implementing ideas." Shirley Chisholm